As I type this I am on my last few hours of being a single mom. See my husband has been in Brazil for the duration of the World Cup for work. Which means I have spent the last 5 weeks as a single, working mom of two young boys. I was TERRIFIED when I found out he was going to be gone for 5 weeks. I went into major planning mode…..”if x happens I can do this. and if y happens I can handle it this way. So and so can help with this.” and so on and so forth. Though this experience has been hard I’m not sure if given the choice again I would change anything. It has really brought forward some really important things.
1. We have some AMAZING friends. The kind of friends people dream of having. The kind of friends everyone wants. The kind of friend I want to be but in all honesty not sure I am. Selfless is all I can say about some of our friends. And I am so thankful for them. So. Thankful.
2. I spend a lot of time worrying about/dwelling on stuff that doesn’t really matter. I have been so busy the past 5 weeks I haven’t had time to dwell on things. You know those things that women tend to dwell on. The implied personal attack….”so and so did/didn’t do this so she is probably mad at me.” The deep, important, yet slightly negative conversation that I would then replay and rehash for days. Guess what…..no time. And it has been LIBERATING. Prayers that this maintains when I’m not quite so busy.
3. Some stuff just doesn’t really matter. Choosing my battles has been a must. And some things don’t really matter. Like if my oldest wears shorts, socks, and spiderman boat shoes to school. Like my youngest eating syrup with his fingers and getting it everywhere. Like so many other things that really don’t matter. Yes, I might have a mess to clean up but its not the end of the world.
4. Be present. Since I’ve been being mom and dad, and my boys have had some adjustment issues with daddy being gone they have gotten a lot of my attention. Undivided attention. No TV. No phone. No thinking about work/school/grocery list/etc. 100% undivided attention. I feel like I have seen so much the past 5 weeks and it makes me wonder what all I have missed in the past by being distracted. Needless to say, want to attempt to maintain this as much as possible. My kids deserve it, but so do I.
5. I am not as independent as I think I am. As I mentioned earlier I tried to plan for everything that could possibly happen, which is impossible so I have no idea why I tried other than the fact that I am a control-freak and a planner. What I did not plan for nor even expect was the emotional toll on me. I cried more in the 5 weeks (actually the first 2 1/2) than I have cried in the past 5 months. As independent as I am, I need my husband. And I need to let him know that when he gets home.
6. I am strong. The past 5 weeks were hard but I am strong and I did it. I even did things that I would have NEVER thought of attempting alone, but I have proven to myself that it is not impossible. However, I am strong because of the love and support of others. And most importantly because of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13
I have had a peace, especially during the last 2/3 of him being gone that I know came from my Lord and Savior. And so though I am strong, it is by Him who gives me strength.
Because I have grown so much I wouldn’t change the experience, but man will I be glad when my hubby is home. It has been a long, but good, 5 weeks. However, we are just not complete without him.